I read a fellow Starbucks barista's account today of how she physically got sick (threw up) because her father had died some months ago, and she'd been working nonstop for two weeks, etc. When she went to the pharmacist to get some medicine filled, the pharmacist told her that her body was just trying to make her rest. I'm beginning to wonder if that's part of what's causing my seizures. Something I noticed with Joseph tonight is that through all four years in high school, I never had one seizure, and after my first semester of college, still had none. Then, in January 2008, I had my first in five years, but went the rest of second semester without having another - then they started up again in May, after I was home for the summer.

The girl online mentioned something about being at the house her father had lived in for so long - while her parents had still been married, it was weird not having her father around. I realize how similar our situations are. While Dad was usually sitting in the dining room smoking and drawing up blueprints, etc., he was always here. And he'd come in and watch some TV, cook and eat dinner with us, be there to just go back and talk to. One of the weirdest things for me to get used to just after he died was passing the dining room on my way to the bathroom and not saying hi. Even if I'd just seen him two minutes before, I'd say something or do our "kiss-kiss" thing. It's so weird, and sometimes I want to do that just out of habit. It feels so empty here, even with our million cats and another person and... it's just different.

Anyway, this is a (relatively) short entry, but I can't help but wonder how much of my dad and grandmother's passings almost back-to-back have to do with my seizures.

Edit: Also, speaking of Dad - what the hell about Steak and Ale! That was my mom and dad's place to go for their anniversary or any special occasion. That's so ridiculous. I have so, so many fond memories of that place and that makes me so incredibly sad.