an epically long post...

Okay, I am going to use initials not for privacy purposes, but rather for laziness's sake.

Backstory: Hannah, a girl in my three's, has problems with potty-training, in that she still wears a pull-up (which is, by all means, okay as long as she's working to be potty-trained, in my opinion; my mom said I wore a pull-up until I was about four, just for security purposes, but was fully potty-trained, so it's obviously not a problem). However, she used to use the pull-up for its intended purpose all the time in June. It became a problem only because she kept "boo-boo"ing and we would have to clean it up; as any person who has worked with children before knows, it's really difficult once they get to a certain age to keep wiping them and cleaning up after them if they "boo-boo." We kept talking to her mom and letting her know it was something to reinforce at home, and eventually we got to where we would use candy as a means to get her to tell us when she had to go to the bathroom, and she would get a piece of candy if she kept herself dry all day. Eventually she got to wearing big-girl panties, which was great, and we were excited, as was her mom.

Then the fourth of July three-day weekend came about.

When we returned, we saw Hannah was in a pull-up again. We thought, "Maybe it's just for security, okay," but no. One of those days, she "boo-boo"ed something awful, according to the morning teacher, Adrienne. Adrienne said that the dress Hannah was wearing wasn't the one she'd had on, that it had been washed and was currently in the dryer, and that "one of the mom's friends took her home and gave her a bath." I immediately started trying to think of people who would be the mom, KW's, friends. I knew KW goes to the church - she and her husband both - but that meant they could know a lot of people. I eventually gave up and just decided that it was great someone cleaned her up thoroughly, and of course, we weren't angry at Hannah, just concerned that she'd "regressed."

CUE: nosiest person of the year century.

KR, whom we all know, god knows, and her son who's always riding her shoulders or prancing around the daycare as if he's "on the clock," says Ms. Candace (that made me laugh), come by. She peered in at Hannah, then looked at me and said, "If she boo-boos again, tell her I'm going to spank her, because that's what I told her when I was giving her a bath. She doesn't get disciplined at home, and she needs to be if she's going to stop boo-booing all over herself. It's her way of controlling her situation at home, because it's not good, and she needs attention."

I just kind of stared in disbelief. Disbelief because 1) this woman is standing here at the door making herself sound like some kind of a saint for taking Hannah to her house to get bathed - well, if you want my honest opinion, KR just walks around during the day not doing a damn thing at the church but sticking her nose in everyone's business. Not once have I seen her actually doing something. It's not as though she were taking time out of some kind of hectic schedule to take Hannah home. And 2) she's already talking about Hannah's situation at home like she lives there or something.

Oh no, the story gets worse, don't worry (by the way, Kevin - I hope this lives up to your expectations. I think this next part will, if anything :D).

So, fast-forward to last week, when Hannah was wearing glasses. We were all surprised, mostly because it's always Katie (who broke her glasses and they haven't been fixed yet) and Erin who are wearing glasses and we didn't even know Hannah had them. She kept taking them off when we were in the gym (this was one of the rainy days) and we would say, "No, Hannah, keep your glasses on," and on and on, but it wasn't really a problem, as it's hard for any child to keep his/her glasses on if she/he is not used to constantly wearing glasses; I remember when I first got my glasses in second grade I kept taking them off because I hated them. Then Hannah broke her glasses; just took them off and snapped off one of the arms. I tried (fruitlessly) fixing them since god knows I've broken plenty of my own share of glasses, but it was hopeless. She'd just snapped them.

KW, who is always so nice, wasn't surprised when we told her Hannah broke her glasses. She explained that she breaks them quite often, and that they'd looked into plastic ones, but Medicaid won't pay for the plastic ones, but will pay for a new pair of regular glasses, anytime that Hannah breaks them or anytime something happens to them. Honestly, if I were in their situation and had to use Medicaid, I would do the same thing. My mom agreed with me when I asked her. Why have to pay out-of-pocket for plastic ones when Medicaid provides them free anytime they get lost/broken, etc.? KW gets onto Hannah for breaking the glasses, then they go home.

Fast-forward to Sunday. Joseph, my reliable witness, can attest to the whole dumbfounding situation that I am about to describe. Church had just ended, and he and I were in front of the church chatting it up while Hannah O'Kelley tried to get Joseph to put his arm around me because "you're getting married" (while hilarious and adorable, I want to at least have a bachelor's before we seriously consider marriage - we agreed on this after someone asked if I was going to marry him [?!]). CUE: KR prancing up to me and sticking her face in mine (something I oh-so-loathe - people putting their faces close to mine - agh, I just cannot stand it!). I already was dreading whatever she was about to say, as I was sure it had something to do with something she thought she could gossip about - like she's in middle school or something, right? - but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and just smiled politely.

The following conversation is almost verbatim.

KR: "Who keeps breaking Hannah's glasses?"
Me: "She does," thinking, Who the hell else would, the I-hate-glasses Fairy?
KR: "That's what I thought." *cue the know-it-all persona I saw coming a mile away* "You see, it's Hannah's way of controlling her situation at home. KW is the dumbest cousin I have, and I have lots of cousins; she just isn't the smartest. There are some people who shouldn't have kids" (at which point I almost punched her, but could only stare in disbelief once again) "and they've got lots of problems, and her situation at home is bad and her breaking her glasses is the only way she can control something. It's the only thing in her control. She does it for attention. And KW doesn't discipline Hannah because she's afraid Hannah will call DHR."
Joseph and me: ... (i.e., just kind of looking at her, nodding to be "sociable" but speechless)

She rambled on about how dumb KW is (which is not only incredibly bitchy, but also not true, from the experiences I have with KW - everyday - she just seems nice, never anything but, and has never shown me any stupidity, so there goes KR trying to make something out of nothing once again).

Seriously, what? Who made her a child psychologist? Who made her an expert on the home life of one little girl and her cousin whom she obviously cannot stand? I could just as easily say that this is KR's way of getting back at KW for something that happened in their youth because I am so knowledgable on their home life, but that would be me being just as pretentious as she is (and personally, I could care less about KR's youth, for the record, though I'm sure she'd be thrilled to talk about herself). Joseph and I were just in shock after this woman said all this. Luckily, she soon left, and he took me back to my house, and I forgot about it, until the next day, when I told Mrs. Pierce (the teacher of the three's since I'm not nineteen; I love her to death). She was livid and couldn't believe that someone would presume to know the situation as KR did.

When I told Ms. Candace about it, she said, "Some people shouldn't be parents, what, like she's such a great parent? I see that boy of hers walking around here like he's on the clock, and what does she do? She's right there with him, walking around. I don't see her employed here."

So, as I said, I hope this post lived up to my dear readers' expectations, and is nothing but the God's honest truth. If she approaches me again preaching about how she knows so much about KW's situation and Hannah's wish to control things, I'm liable to punch her - or, you know, just say, "I would prefer not to discuss this with you," if you want a more civil approach. She's overstepped her boundaries - not that she has any problem with doing such a thing - but frankly, I'm sick of her acting like an omniscient saint/child psychologist.

*breathes deeply*
That felt so, so good.

Oh, yeah, and I have a new layout - mostly to make more room for my lengthier posts, but I also love green and needed a change.