There are so many things I still want to do. Of course, I don't feel like I am too old by any means to still set out to accomplish them. But when I think of all the things I want to do, and how it seems like these next three years it takes to complete my bachelor's degree (we hope) will fly by like the last three years after my freshman year in high school, I panic. I want to go to Europe. Mom had talked for years about me getting to go to Europe after my senior year as a graduation gift, and I always hoped, but some part of me in my subconscious knew I wouldn't get to go. I never thought it would be because of my dad's cancer. I, of course, am not bitter or resentful in the least - I could have cared less about Europe last summer, honest-to-blog (nice reference, eh? - see, the Canadian heritage comes through sometimes). But that still doesn't change the fact that I dream about going. I dream about traveling around Scotland, visiting the lands my ancestors ruled. I dream about traveling to snooty France, just so I can attempt to speak my four years' worth of French in their faces and hope it's all atrociously pronounced, but correct grammatically.
I dream about rainy London, towering cathedrals, gelato, British scones; land of treaties, Charlemagne, even the jerk Napoleon, and all the other rich history that originates from Europe.
Another dream of mine used to be to live on my own for a while, working during the day and writing a movie script or a novel during the evenings; coffee stains in the circle from a coffee mug on wrinkled, yellowed papers that have long since been edited into "perfection"; in another corner, huge canvases propped up against the wall, splattered with paint, always unfinished and never for sale.
I haven't realized it through experience yet, but dreams aren't the real world. Things won't turn out the way I dream, and that's okay. It's okay to still dream, and it's okay to still plan, and if things don't turn out the way one plans, then one must improvise. However, I'm still sticking to my plan of working in a doctor's office as a receptionist for at least one summer (even if it means having two jobs as I do now), and then as a librarian. I was told today that I am the "librarian" type, whatever that means. And the "secretary" type. Thanks, Zac, I think? I have the nerdy glasses, and my hair's not yet long enough to put into a bun, but when it is, I guess I'll be fit. I don't understand it either, but Charity and I have already agreed to be crazy librarians together, as she is pursuing a degree in English (enough said, right? - and I can say that, since I'm an English minor), so at least I won't be alone in that nuthouse.
I'm going to be the lead character in Zac's next movie (a role that, hopefully, will be more tangible than Joseph's movie for his class fall semester :D). It's going to be a horror film. To get prepared for my role (but not really - more like, to spend some precious fag hag time together that was meant to be a people-from-Starbucks get-together but only ended up to be us, thus the fag hagging going on), we saw The Strangers tonight. Creepy as all get out, I'll tell you - those masks were so nightmarish! Since that was the point, though, I'll stop there. I do want to say, while I do hate Angelina Jolie (1. she's not the first one ever to have children, much less twins; 2. she isn't really all that attractive [yes, she is pretty, but I see prettier in more ordinary women everyday; however, that's my personal opinion and I'm not going to change my mind if your world revolves around Angelina]; 3. she is incredibly conceited), her new movie, the one about the assassins, looks damn good and I can't wait to see that.
Other than that, today was uneventful, except for some crazy Starbucks drama. But when isn't there?
More to come later.
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