Getting a taste of my own medicine, in a way...

Tonight, Stephanie and I went to Birmingham to go to the Greek Festival. On the way, I stopped by one of my favorite shops in downtown B'ham (Books, Beans, and Candles MS) to show Stephanie, as she's been wanting to see it for a while now, and I hadn't seen their new location.

While we were talking to my friend Kait who works there, two of her friends were watching a YouTube video. One of the guys comes over to the table by which we were standing and sat down by the windowsill, and Kait said something like, "Are you having an attack of funny?" and I thought it was a joke, but the next thing we knew, his glasses were on the floor, and he was having a seizure. His friend leapt up from the laptop and went over to grab him and hold him from hitting his head on the items in the windowsill, and just held him while he seized. It was absolutely horrible.

Stephanie and I remained standing, glued to the spot, and my stomach plummeted. I immediately racked my brain for possible advice, and then realized I should probably time the seizure, because for all I know, this was random. I began to, and it lasted about a minute and half more - though it seemed so much longer! - and then he stopped jerking, but was still unconscious. After getting napkins for the saliva, Kait apologized profusely to us and said, "He has them a lot." I told her I have epilepsy and that I hoped he'd be okay. She said the doctors think it's encephalitis, they don't think he'll live too much longer, and he has lost two years' worth of memories because of it.

As she was talking, I began to feel nauseated, my face flushed, and my vision began fading - that speckled black-and-white background that precedes fainting, and I knew I had to sit down or I would end up unconscious too (and I'm not being melodramatic - I hope it doesn't sound that way). Kait, Steph, and I all moved into the adjoining room as I stumbled toward the door, just as I heard the friend saying, "Morton? Are you alright?" I told Kait I hoped everything would work out and that she would be okay, as well as both her friends. Then Stephanie and I kind of shuffled out of the shop (which is an old house), and we sat on the porch banister. I put my head between my knees to stop the spinning and the lightheadedness, and Stephanie just kind of sat there. We talked about it a lot tonight.

In a way, it's good for her to get an outside look at what it's like so she has a little more of an idea if it ever happened. We have instructions posted on the wall by our desks, so it's not as if she would be completely lost, but there's something very different from reading instructions and experiencing it firsthand. It was an extremely emotional experience for me. I've always wondered what I was like, what happened during my seizures, and my mom never could describe in much detail - not for lack of trying, but I think she subconsciously suppressed the memories or forgot them on "purpose" because it's such a horrifying thing. And the same goes for Joseph. He's talked about noises. And this guy was definitely doing so. I suppose it's the vocal muscles tensing up, too. I just wanted to go home, give my mom a huge hug, and cry into her shoulder for hours.

I gained some hope from tonight, though. I realized that no matter just how embarrassed I am after I have a seizure, because almost every single time I've had one I've ended up bawling hysterically in the ambulance on the way to the hospital (when I regained consciousness after the first seizure I ever had back in May 2003, I thought I was in the Matrix - haha, some humor can come out of that), the fact remains that nobody in the room will think about how stupid a person looks, or ways to blackmail them, or anything like that. It's such a serious thing, and I felt so helpless, but I just stood there - as I said, glued to the spot. Stephanie said the same. We couldn't move, and I watched, placing myself in that chair, my face over his. I almost feel like crying as I write this now, but that wouldn't really solve or help anything. The point is, when a person has a seizure, everybody thinks about the safety or is too shocked to do anything like mocking, snickering, gossiping.

I also found hope in the fact that my epilepsy is not caused by such a life-threatening disease, and that I have my memories. I have to admit that developing Alzheimer's is probably my number one fear. I could not bear to lose the memories I have - especially of my dad and of Nana. It would be awful. And while I'm certainly not rejoicing for me not being in this guy's shoes, I certainly have things to be thankful for. I'll live with no known cause; 70% of new cases of epilepsy have no known cause. I am greatly saddened by his predicament. I hope he finds support and love in the people close to him.

If I had certain beliefs, I might say that this was God's way of putting a window in my life - a window into which I could peer as an outsider to qualm my fears, and to answer my questions about myself during a seizure. But...I don't really know what. I don't believe it was just a coincidence. Stephanie and I almost didn't visit the store. We almost went on to the Greek Festival. We were leaving, but Kait was showing me the stuff they'd just gotten shipped in. It was so incredibly surreal.

I know I'll never be able to get that image, those sounds, my reactions, and my own fears of fainting or seizing out of my head. I'll have to ask Kait after a while to see if he's okay, if they found anything. I just...it's nightmarish. And now I have but a taste of what my mother and what Joseph have gone through - not to mention Mrs. Pierce, who was there during my third fourth seizure in June.

It certainly opens one's eyes to the reality that seizures really are horrifying, paralyzing experiences, but it helps to keep the steps of seizure first-aid in mind, no matter how hard it is to sit there and hold a person who is seizing.

1 in 10 Americans will experience a seizure during his or her lifetime. I spoke about epilepsy and its affect on me on Wednesday for my speech class, and that was one of the statistics I threw out there (as well as the 70% of cases fact above). November is Epilepsy Awareness Month, but every month should be Epilepsy Awareness Month with the odds of 1 in 10 Americans experiencing a seizure in their lifetime. All I can ask is to know the simple steps of seizure first aid, and to keep calm as possible.

A little goes a long way.