Before I collapse into exhaustion...

I should probably rename my blog "A brief history of epilepsy in Christina Tidmore," because it will forever haunt me and make me paranoid!

No, I haven't had another seizure, thankfully, but tonight I experienced weird, 'jumping' sensations with my eyes, much like I remember the second time I had a seizure at the Children's Place. I didn't tell my roommate, only because I had, and still have the remnants of, a headache; additionally, the change in estrogen levels I'm currently experiencing, according to my calendar, would affect me more than any other time. I've taken all my medicine as I should, and certainly my symptoms went away quickly. I guess I'll always be paranoid, but it's much better to be safe than sorry, right?

Anyway, the original thought that inspired this post wasn't my incessant whining about my seizures (or lack thereof recently - knock wood!), but rather about a subject that might throw some people into a panic. Don't worry, those fears will be quelled in a few minutes.

A girl my age is out from Montevallo this semester, planning on coming back in January, because she's nine months pregnant, a little over 36 weeks, so due anyday now. I've been checking her Facebook statuses almost religiously. I know that makes me sound so incredibly creepy, but it's really quite fascinating. She and her boyfriend weren't trying, but eventually accepted it when they found out, and she decided to keep the baby. And good for her! If she feels like doing so, she certainly should. Every woman reserves the right to choose what she's willing to do. (Maybe that was an opinion of mine oh-so-sneakily thrown in, maybe not. I'd lean toward 'maybe' though.)

I guess, in a way, I'm channelling my own anticipation for a child in the "far" future, though now that I'm nineteen, twenty-sixish (or whenever the situation presents itself) doesn't seem so far. I simply cannot imagine having a child at my age! I would never plan for it, but don't get me wrong - I am not knocking those who choose to! I simply know that I would not be ready. I put myself in this girl's shoes. How would I feel? How would I react? I can't say. Nobody can until they are in that situation, right?

I see her posts on other people's walls, saying that she is so ready for the baby - and I'm sure! After nine months of everything that accompanies pregnancy, in addition to anticipation of seeing and raising the baby, I can imagine any mother would be excited and ready from the second they pass or reach (or don't in premature cases!) the due date. But I simply can't imagine the nervousness I would be feeling. I'm not entirely sure anybody is completely, utterly, entirely ready the first time they have a child. Then again, I don't speak from experience, so I can't say for certain. But it seems like an experience one would have to experience themselves.

Anyway, don't worry - none of this has inspired me to go pop out a baby anytime soon. I would absolutely adore children in the future, preferably when I'm settled down with a job and a father that would help support the child, even if we aren't married (though it'd be great if we were - and out of love, not convention). I truly don't desire children at this age, nor would I ever imagine myself doing so until at least mid-twenties, if not later! I just think it's incredibly interesting to watch another girl's experience from the outside in her situation. I wish her the best of luck, and believe if she's really as enthusiastic and willing to raise the child as she seems in the few e-glimpses I've caught of her, then she will be a great mother no matter how "young" she is (and, really, compared to some, she isn't young at all to be having a child - think of the medieval period, where girls were encouraged to have children at 15 and up, if not earlier!).

I hope this all made sense...it's rather late, as if nobody could tell. So, in summary, I'm certainly not planning on children anytime soon, but it's fascinating peering into another's life and seeing how they react to an unplanned pregnancy.

It's like Juno...in real life, from an outsider's perspective.