Violence in America

Sometimes I despise the dorms here at Montevallo. Our window constantly sounds like an elephant is making its noise (what would you describe that as?) and banging against the window while the cold air seeps in over my face. The wind howls where our room happens to be situated from the way the trees move, or something-- it is the typical "horror movie" wind sound. When it's hot outside, the dorms are burning up; when it's freezing outside, it's barely warm enough inside. I hate the fourth floor because athletes ring the goddamn elevator alarm like it's the funniest thing ever, and some mysterious person runs up and down the hall constantly (like it would kill her/them to take the extra 45 seconds to walk).

All that having been said, I do actually love the dorms at some points as well. I love that I get to share a tiny space with a more-than-tolerable roommate this time around, even if my former nightmare of a roommate lives across the hall and occasionally I run into her (not by choice, mind you). I love the fact that new roommate doesn't mind that I play video games constantly, because she, too, is a video game nerd. I love quoting Rocky Horror at 1 am while I constantly fall off the cliff in Banjo-Tooie. I love that the caf is so close (yet so uphill...) and that people will hold open the door if they see you with this weekend's load of laundry, or a take-out box and cup.

If you recall, Montevallo had a gun scare in October 2007 in Brooke Hall. Brooke Hall is the residence hall in which I, in fact, reside. The gun-waving moron was on my floor for an indeterminate amount of time. The reality of this fact was nonexistant at the time.

"Why are we on lockdown?"
"I heard there was a shooting in Main!"
"I heard a girl was arguing with another girl about a girl they both liked and brandished a gun!"
(Apparently the last one was the closest to the truth.)

"Let me make a few calls... Mom? It's me...it's about one in the morning, and we're on lockdown, because a shooting was reported...but I'm okay. Joseph? Hey, I'm sorry to wake you, but I wanted to let you know we're on lockdown because of something to do with a gun, but I'm okay."

Letting loved ones know they don't need to worry if they see "UNIVERSITY OF MONTEVALLO ON LOCKDOWN FOR GUN INCIDENT" on the morning news or hear it over the radio is probably the most surreal thing. I can't imagine what would have happened if a shot had been fired. I wasn't even aware of the lockdown status (thankfully we now have the SchoolCast Notification System for this very purpose), and only found out because my horrid at-the-time roommate was at her boyfriend's dorm, and he called me to let me know. Luckily, I'm a hermit and greatly enjoy time alone (Stephanie--current roommate--and I joke around because we often can be found on our computers/playing video games in the room with the overhead light off and just our desk lights on. We're the original goth loner kids :) ), and would not have ventured out in the hallway anyway, but if I had, and I had seen the girl with the gun, I'm not sure what would have happened.

Would I have remained in place, frozen to stare at the girl disbelievingly? I've held a gun before, gone shooting at a range with my dad a time before his illness, and even will be the owner of a small gun when I turn 21 that he left to me. I live in a neighborhood in which gunshots are fairly common. Mom and I have woken up countless times to the sound of gunshots, called the police, gotten the usual "We'll send a car" (whether or not that happens is beyond us), yet why a girl would just randomly carry a gun into a school is beyond me.

Just thinking that the University of Montevallo in good ol' out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-where-cows-are-in-abundance, Alabama, could have been the next Virginia Tech or North Illinois truly frightens me. One individual deciding others' fate just doesn't seem right to me. Violence always existed, and always will exist--studying history has only reaffirmed this for me, though I never doubted it. But when did the violence turn into school shootings so suddenly? Why target universities? These shooters, many of whom have been bullied or have mental issues, just snap...but why did they have a gun on campus in the first place?

I love Montevallo. I don't want it to become a school racked by indescribable tragedy and a school of holding vigils for those lost in last week's shooting, but a place of learning, of growth and self-discovery. I'll take the athletes ringing the Bitch Alarm, as Stephanie and I named it (we're right across from the elevator--give us some credit). I'll take whoever-it-is running up and down the hall. I'll take my terrible first-semester-roommate experience. If it all means being alive and not the victim of a reckless shooting like so many others, I'll take it all, the good and the bad.